A Large Raspberry to Good Morning, America

Americans, in aggregate, tend to be an immature people, and I say this as an American born and bred. The media far too often fosters this attitude, and I saw a really terrible example of it this morning on Good Morning, America. They have just hired Steve Harvey for the show, and he led a discussion this morning of whether men and women can be friends, with Diane Sawyer and three couples. Almost universally the answer was that no, men and women can't be friends, because men always have sex on the brain.

There were some implicit assumptions here that have really nasty implications for both men and women. The implicit assumption about men is that they are incapable of responsibly handling their sexual attractions. The implicit assumption about women is that jealousy is always the appropriate response. I'll address each, one by one.

That men cannot control their sexuality is deprecated by us when we see it in other cultures, for example when in many Arab cultures it is assumed that if a man and a woman are alone together sex is involved. But we don't see how it plays out here. Here the undercurrent is that a man, to be a real man, acts on his sexual impulses. At its worst, this leads to rape and to molestation of children. I was myself sexually abused by older boys in my neighborhood when I was five years old, and I blame this attitude towards male sexuality for it. A mature man is perfectly capable of being sexually attracted to someone while understanding that acting on that attraction would be inappropriate. And that is what the media should be modeling for American men, especially boys yet to become men.

Likewise, for the couples on the show, it was assumed to be ok for the woman to be jealous for what seemed to me to be very slight reasons. I speak as someone whose jealousy has come close to causing my suicide. I KNOW how destructive jealousy can be. How many murders in the US are caused by this emotion? Far, far too many. It can sometimes be an appropriate response, if one partner in a relationship is letting another relationship get in the way of the primary one. But a loving spouse should also be able to trust that the partner will act maturely, responsibly, and appropriately, and if they cannot do so, recognize that this is a problem that needs to be dealt with by communication and perhaps counseling.

Finally, there is one other implicit assumption that is harmful to both men and women, and that is that one's partner must provide all of one's social needs. Many relationship experts have pointed out that is unhealthy. One needs friends, as well. A person, to be well-rounded, should have social interactions with a broad range of people, people that one finds interesting, or share a hobby, or have known for a long time. Expecting one person to provide all social needs puts too much of a burden on anyone. Of course friends who are mutual friends of both partners are best, but a partner has to be open to meeting the spouse's friends and understanding what the spouse likes in that person to make this happen.

I had to leave before the show got to the phone calls expressing a dissenting point of view, so some of the points I've made may have been expressed in the show.

The Role of the Media in the Health Care Debate

This excellent op-ed a friend pointed me too makes some excellent points about the media and the health care debate, calling for the mainstream media to call out those spouting racist rhetoric, and to call a lie a lie, and not look the other way when lies are told. Bravo to Nicholas F. Benton!

The same friend also pointed to this piece that calls on us to recognize that inflammatory words spoken by public figures can and do lead to violence. Here's a quote:

"I am a staunch First Amendment advocate. But let's not pretend such irresponsible words and behavior does not have casualties and consequences. We can best celebrate free speech and assembly by freely choosing not to incite or assemble irate mobs that lack control or any normal sense of inhibition."

Meditations on Fascism

Gus DeZeriga has some fascinating musings on Fascism and its current meaning. See Part 1 and Part 2. DeZeriga is by profession a professor of political science.

Medal of Freedom Honorees

TPM has this photo gallery of President Obama honoring sixteen winners of the Medal of Freedom. It is a wonderfully diverse group, both in terms of race and gender and their fields of contribution - included are scientists, civil rights leaders, sports figures, and more. What an inspiring group of people.

APA Says Homosexuality Natural

This article is about the American Psychological Association and its declaration that homosexuality is natural, that it can't be cured, and that trying to do so may cause severe psychological damage, leading to depression and increasing the risk of suicide.

I'm Baaaaaackkkkkkk

I'm back from vacation, fresh and rarin' to go. As much as I ever get, anyway. I went to Montreal to attend the science fiction worldcon Anticipation. I mainly went to see some friends, my friend Peter from Cork, Ireland, whom I had not seen in several years, and my friend Anna who I've known for a long time but had not met in person. This was all her idea, by the way. I also saw my friend Chris. Hadn't seen him in a long time as well.

I was once an avid science fiction fan, but quit going to cons when I went into library school and couldn't afford a lot of travel. And, eventually, my reading tastes morphed from SF to mysteries, by and large. I rediscovered one of the things I've really missed about fandom: being in a large group of really bright and witty folks.

Guest of Honor was Neil Gaiman, who has written a number of good works, including Stardust, the Sandman comics, Coraline, and The Graveyard Book. He was an utterly charming guest, and I went to as many of his panels as I could, including his introduction to a screening of Coraline (the movie).

Totally unexpected was that Paul Krugman, Nobel prize-winning economist and one of my favorite New York Times columnists, was at the con on Thursday and Friday. He did a panel each day and I went to both of him. Very impressive.

What a lovely, lovely, vacation.

Book Review: Oscar Wilde and the Dead Man's Smile

Title: Oscar Wilde and the Dead Man's Smile: A Mystery (Oscar Wilde Mysteries)
Author: Gyles Brandreth
Rating: ****
Tags: mystery, series, oscar wilde, arthur conan doyle, robert sharard, paris actors

This is the third of Gyles Brandreth's mystery series with Oscar Wilde as the central character and Wilde's real-life friend Robert Sherard as the narrator. In the first book of the series, Brandreth answers some questions about the genesis of the series. When he was a boy, he got to know a man who had known Wilde and shared stories about him, and some of his first and most favorite books were those of Oscar Wilde as well as Conan Doyle's Sherlock Holmes stories. He read both over and over. He was amazed and delighted to find out that Wilde and Conan Doyle were friends.

The third book in the series jumps around in time. It begins in London in 1890. Wilde, his biographer Robert Sherard, and Arthur Conan Doyle visit Madame Tussaud's Chamber of Horrors, and Sherard gives Conan Doyle a manuscript of earlier days, including the meeting and early friendship of Sherard and Wilde. That tale is the bulk of the book. It covers first Wilde's lecture tour in the United States in 1882 and his meeting with a gambler and gunslinger named Eddie Garstrang. On the ship back to London, Wilde spends much time with the La Grange acting troupe, and begins working with Edmond La Grange on a French translation of Hamlet.

After a short time in London Wilde goes on to Paris where he works with La Grange and partakes of the incredible Parisian social life. He meets Robert Sherard, only 21, and they begin a life-long friendship. Strange things happen around the La Grange troupe, and Oscar's observant eye takes it all in and, in the end, solves a series of unnatural deaths, beginning with the death of old Madame La Grange's poodle aboard ship. The dog's body was put into Oscar's trunk.

The book has a series of twists and turns, at least one of which looked at first like weak plotting but is redeemed by a later plot twist. The characters are endlessly fascinating, in part because Brandreth pulls in as much accurate history as he can. Paris in the 1880s becomes its own character, full of art, creativity and decadence. Sex and drugs they had in plenty, even if lacking the rock and roll.

Those who wish to see Wilde as a gay icon will be disappointed in this book as his homosexuality is barely hinted at. I have not read the second book in the series, but see in a plot summary that it introduces Lord Alfred Douglas, so it may go into that subject more. Brandreth plans nine books in the series, following Wilde throughout his short life (he was 46 at his death) including his disgrace and imprisonment.

Brandreth is not, to my mind, the greatest writer in the world. But the two books in the series that I have read are interesting and well worth reading. Wilde is a character that endlessly fascinates.

Publication Touchstone (2009), Paperback, 400 pages
Publication date 2009
ISBN 1416534857 / 9781416534853